Haiku Matching Contest 3 - missing

Haiku Roundtable • Fall 2010

umarked tape
accidentally recording over
your baby video

Susie Wirthlin

broken radio
makes the trip
so much longer

Nora Kocher

i watch her check
every few minutes
no texts

Kylie Cochran

lazy sunday
my mother forgetting
to call

Susie Wirthlin

umarked tape
accidentally recording over
your baby video

lazy sunday
my mother forgetting
to call

 

top quarter champion

umarked tape
accidentally recording over
your baby video

 

top half champion

cigarette still smoldering
in the ashtray
of an ex lover

bottom quarter champion

cigarette still smoldering
in the ashtray
of an ex lover

cigarette still smoldering
in the ashtray
of an ex lover

 

river of tears—
she buries herself
in his coat

Jordan Pennington

cigarette still smoldering
in the ashtray
of an ex lover

Hollie Logsdon

in darkness
I trace the lines
of his lips

Jade Anderson

scarlet dress
she looses
her way home

Garrett Derman

 

top half champion

cigarette still smoldering
in the ashtray
of an ex lover

 

champion

cigarette still smoldering
in the ashtray
of an ex lover

bottom half champion

my new country home
more stars
than wishes

my new country home
more stars
than wishes

Kylie Cochran

in all directions
the sea
and me

Aubrie Cox

home alone
on a Friday night,
creaking of stairs...

Tara Goheen

lost in thoughts
I open my eyes
to darkness

Becky Smith

my new country home
more stars
than wishes

lost in thoughts
I open my eyes
to darkness

 

top quarter champion

my new country home
more stars
than wishes

 

bottom half champion

my new country home
more stars
than wishes

bottom quarter champion

the first night
nobody asks
where mommy is

the first night
nobody asks
where mommy is

pigtails bouncing
she misses the cracks
in the sidewalk

the first night
nobody asks
where mommy is

Kylie Cochran

dandy lion fluff
she gazes over
the grave

Michelle Dixson

pigtails bouncing
she misses the cracks
in the sidewalk

Michelle Dixson

autumn colors
in the nursery I reach
for my daughter

Jade Anderson

Double Matching Contest Grand Champion

 

first champion

cigarette still smoldering
in the ashtray
of an ex lover

 

 

Grand champion

string quartet
the collection hat filling
with snow

 

second champion

string quartet
the collection hat filling
with snow

 

Double Matching Contest Grand Champion

string quartet
the collection hat filling
with snow

Susie Wirthlin

public library—
he peers through shelves
at a potential friend

Jordan Pennington

digging a hamster’s grave
he whaps the ground
with a hoe

Jackson Lewis

A flick to the lady bug
inconveniencing his studies
up, up, and away!

Colton Shaw

string quartet
the collection hat filling
with snow

digging a hamster’s grave
he whaps the ground
with a hoe

 

top quarter champion

string quartet
the collection hat filling
with snow

 

top half champion

string quartet
the collection hat filling
with snow

bottom quarter champion

h i s
W e d d i n g
ring
t a n
l i n e
s l o w l y
v a n i s h i n g

blood moon
her brother attempts
suicide again

h i s
W e d d i n g
ring
t a n
l i n e
s l o w l y
v a n i s h i n g

blood moon
her brother attempts
suicide again

Aubrie Cox

a dark cloak
and a slight of hand
blood money

Joseph Sparks

heart racing
he pulls on
her string

Garrett Derman

h i s
W e d d i n g
ring
t a n
l i n e
s l o w l y
v a n i s h i n g

Nora Kocher

 

top half champion

string quartet
the collection hat filling
with snow

 

champion

string quartet
the collection hat filling
with snow

bottom half champion

whited out city street
driving slowly
to Christmas dinner

sunday morning
every blanket kicked
to the floor

Susie Wirthlin

secret ballot:
my aunt whispering
to vote democratic

Kylie Cochran

crowd in a football stadium
does the wave—
tree leaves rustle in the wind

Jackson Lewis

Abe Lincoln statue—
red and brown leaves
sink into his lap

Jackson Lewis

secret ballot:
my aunt whispering
to vote democratic

Abe Lincoln statue—
red and brown leaves
sink into his lap

 

top quarter champion

secret ballot:
my aunt whispering
to vote democratic

 

bottom half champion

whited out city street
driving slowly
to Christmas dinner

bottom quarter champion

whited out city street
driving slowly
to Christmas dinner

whited out city street
driving slowly
to Christmas dinner

central park
the runner and beggar watching
the same sunrise

third shift; a train passes
over Main and
under Water

Alex Kitchens

whited out city street
driving slowly
to Christmas dinner

Nora Kocher

central park
the runner and beggar watching
the same sunrise

Susie Wirthlin

shrouded moon
the raccoon scavenges
sniffing carefully

Michelle Dixson

© 2010, Randy Brooks • Millikin University
All rights returned to authors upon publication.

 

Haiku Matching Contest 3 - commentary

Haiku Roundtable • Fall 2010

umarked tape
accidentally recording over
your baby video

Susie Wirthlin

broken radio
makes the trip
so much longer

Nora Kocher

i watch her check
every few minutes
no texts

Kylie Cochran

lazy sunday
my mother forgetting
to call

Susie Wirthlin

   

These two together are really good, because they can both be interpreted as forgetting something. Like with the first one, maybe whoever was supposed to text the girl accidentally forgot. Or not. Either way though, they are both sad. In the first one, the girl is looking forward to that certain text otherwise she wouldn't keep checking her phone. And in the second one, the person writing the poem is looking forward to their mom calling them, but that never happens either... Tara

umarked tape
accidentally recording over
your baby video

lazy sunday
my mother forgetting
to call

 

top quarter champion

umarked tape
accidentally recording over
your baby video

 

top half champion

cigarette still smoldering
in the ashtray
of an ex lover

bottom quarter champion

cigarette still smoldering
in the ashtray
of an ex lover

river of tears—
she buries herself
in his coat

cigarette still smoldering
in the ashtray
of an ex lover

indarkness
I trace the lines
of his lips

cigarette still smoldering
in the ashtray
of an ex lover

I really liked this pair because they both refer to the moments after a breakup. The first haiku is not as specific to a breakup, but It can be perceived in that way when compared to the second one. The feeling immediately after ending a relationship is hard to describe, but I think it is somewhat captured in both of these poems. It’s a feeling of confusion—suddenly you aren’t a half to a whole; you’re a half with no counterpart. Jade

they both speak of a forbidden darkness, or something we can’t fully know of. Yes, the cigarette still smolders, but was the ex-lover smoking it, or was the person who was left smoking it? I trace his lips, but does he trace hers? Is he asleep, does he brush her away; there is so much mystery about the two of these that a English major can story him/herself to sleep with. Joseph

river of tears—
she buries herself
in his coat

Jordan Pennington

cigarette still smoldering
in the ashtray
of an ex lover

Hollie Logsdon

in darkness
I trace the lines
of his lips

Jade Anderson

scarlet dress
she looses
her way home

Garrett Derman

I love the picture that this haiku creates. I see a woman at her weeding crying into her husband's coat. On a sadder but just as equally powerful note, I see a woman whose husband was killed and now she is smelling his old coat just trying to get a scent of his. Garrett

This haiku is so sexy! The use of the word smoldering, the cigarette, the fact that it’s an ex “lover” makes it that way. So much can be gleamed from these few words. It seems like the affair (yes I’m calling it an affair) had to end, but it didn’t end the right way. They both still want each other, or at least one wants the other. That might be even better. Regardless, the poem is very well written. Jackson

   

 

top half champion

cigarette still smoldering
in the ashtray
of an ex lover

 

champion

cigarette still smoldering
in the ashtray
of an ex lover

bottom half champion

my new country home
more stars
than wishes

my new country home
more stars
than wishes

Kylie Cochran

in all directions
the sea
and me

Aubrie Cox

home alone
on a Friday night,
creaking of stairs...

Tara Goheen

lost in thoughts
I open my eyes
to darkness

Becky Smith

I really enjoyed this haiku because I could relate very well to it. In fifth grade, my family moved two miles down the road to live on the lake with several farm fields behind us. The house fit my maturing family much better and provided new opportunities on bicycles, boats, and playing in the field. I could not think of much more I could ask for, and that same idea is captured well in this haiku. Tyler

     

my new country home
more stars
than wishes

lost in thoughts
I open my eyes
to darkness

 

top quarter champion

my new country home
more stars
than wishes

 

bottom half champion

my new country home
more stars
than wishes

bottom quarter champion

the first night
nobody asks
where mommy is

the first night
nobody asks
where mommy is

pigtails bouncing
she misses the cracks
in the sidewalk

 

This pair shows the innocence and world view of childhood. In Michelle's haiku, there's the young girl skipping along, while in the other, there's the child's worldview of death. Yet, after a second look, I think of the phrase, "Don't step on the crack, or you'll break your mother's back." When paired with Ky's haiku, I feel a potential story building. Almost like the second haiku is the response to the first. The pair actually probably couldn't be more perfect. The language in both has a childlike voice: mommy, pigtails, bouncing. Aubrie

 

the first night
nobody asks
where mommy is

Kylie Cochran

dandy lion fluff
she gazes over
the grave

Michelle Dixson

pigtails bouncing
she misses the cracks
in the sidewalk

Michelle Dixson

autumn colors
in the nursery I reach
for my daughter

Jade Anderson

Double Matching Contest Grand Champion

 

first champion

cigarette still smoldering
in the ashtray
of an ex lover

 

 

Grand champion

string quartet
the collection hat filling
with snow

 

second champion

string quartet
the collection hat filling
with snow

 

Double Matching Contest Grand Champion

string quartet
the collection hat filling
with snow

Susie Wirthlin

public library—
he peers through shelves
at a potential friend

Jordan Pennington

digging a hamster’s grave
he whaps the ground
with a hoe

Jackson Lewis

A flick to the lady bug
inconveniencing his studies
up, up, and away!

Colton Shaw

If just like the image I get from this poem: four musicians sitting in black chairs, snow landing lightly on their shoulders, and a big black top hat upside down on the ground, filling up with and surrounded by little flakes of pure white snow. It is a little barren and sad though. These four are playing and all they get for their hard work is snow. They aren’t even getting a hello or any type of human interaction. They are only given snow. Jackson

     

string quartet
the collection hat filling
with snow

digging a hamster’s grave
he whaps the ground
with a hoe

 

top quarter champion

string quartet
the collection hat filling
with snow

 

top half champion

string quartet
the collection hat filling
with snow

bottom quarter champion

h i s
W e d d i n g
ring
t a n
l i n e
s l o w l y
v a n i s h i n g

blood moon
her brother attempts
suicide again

h i s
W e d d i n g
ring
t a n
l i n e
s l o w l y
v a n i s h i n g

blood moon
her brother attempts
suicide again

Aubrie Cox

a dark cloak
and a slight of hand
blood money

Joseph Sparks

heart racing
he pulls on
her string

Garrett Derman

h i s
W e d d i n g
ring
t a n
l i n e
s l o w l y
v a n i s h i n g

Nora Kocher

Both of these bring dark images to mind when they are read.They also both mention the word ‘blood” with in them, which shows a slight similarity. I just think they were both very dark and frightening. The first one is emotionally scary, the thought of the suicide being attempted many times, and the second one is more physically scary, imagining being so near to such a shady act. Hollie

This pair really stuck out to me. I love the usage of “blood” in both haiku and how it takes on radically different meanings. In both, the blood image is used not as something gory and red but rather something dark and mysterious. The first haiku is just heartbreaking, but still garners mystery. Why does the brother attempt suicide so often? And the second haiku is extremely elusive. We get no personal information, just a dimly lit scene and the indication of illegal activity. I love both these haiku and think their pairing was extremely well done. Susie

 

I love the imagery embedded into the formatting of the poem; I think it’s very clever, and perfectly suited for its topic. I like how we don’t know whether he’s glad or depressed by this reminder of what he isn’t—and what he hasn’t—anymore. Also, the fact that it’s his and not hers is especially compelling. Ky

 

top half champion

string quartet
the collection hat filling
with snow

 

I liked that a pair came up by sheer random happenstance about snow, that had a sort of emptiness. The hat I imagine to be empty, filled with snow instead of money, and the street is empty because it just snowed. This emptiness doesn’t necessary make anyone sad, because the quartet has each other and the family has each other and the people at the Christmas dinner, but at that certain moment there’s just a little chilly aloneness. Jordan

champion

string quartet
the collection hat filling
with snow

bottom half champion

whited out city street
driving slowly
to Christmas dinner

sunday morning
every blanket kicked
to the floor

Susie Wirthlin

secret ballot:
my aunt whispering
to vote democratic

Kylie Cochran

crowd in a football stadium
does the wave—
tree leaves rustle in the wind

Jackson Lewis

Abe Lincoln statue—
red and brown leaves
sink into his lap

Jackson Lewis

secret ballot:
my aunt whispering
to vote democratic

Abe Lincoln statue—
red and brown leaves
sink into his lap

 

top quarter champion

secret ballot:
my aunt whispering
to vote democratic

 

bottom half champion

whited out city street
driving slowly
to Christmas dinner

bottom quarter champion

whited out city street
driving slowly
to Christmas dinner

whited out city street
driving slowly
to Christmas dinner

central park
the runner and beggar watching
the same sunrise

third shift; a train passes
over Main and
under Water

Alex Kitchens

whited out city street
driving slowly
to Christmas dinner

Nora Kocher

central park
the runner and beggar watching
the same sunrise

Susie Wirthlin

shrouded moon
the raccoon scavenges
sniffing carefully

Michelle Dixson

   

Sorry, once again I didn’t write down the author. I like this haiku because it puts these 2 very different people on the same level. It doesn’t matter that the runner is jogging and then probably going to his high paying job while the beggar has been in the park all night, begging for some money or food. Either way, they are both human and everyday, they see the same sunrise. Becky

 

© 2010, Randy Brooks • Millikin University
All rights returned to authors upon publication.