Roundtable Tanka To Edit 2
Fall 2011


tips once callused
have been dulled
softened by distance
and neglect
knowledge remains

very close! I can't quite tell if this is a guitar player. context?


playing word games
we try on different masks
i pretend to be a magician
suspending time
long enough to watch you grow

playing games
we try on different masks
i'm a fox
suspending time long enough
to watch you grow

variations welcome





the lights flicker--
shadows dance
on the walls--
i'm content, here
in your arms

rearrange the first half furniture (too many pauses, stops) make the part before the turn one phrase. simplify

The text is typed
but shadows create doubt
and computers
leave no

i like this one and maybe it should remain as is. but and bother me a little. and i wonder if a hint of what kind of text might make a difference. be careful editing this one. it's fragile and interestingly mysterious





So, Lately,
I've been noticing how girls have been
raising their standards
more and more each day.
I blame Social networks and tv
and shit.

great voice. just tighten phrasing. try a shorter version but don't lose the attitude!

just one sign
to tell me I chose right
because every day
I feel like I chose

good emotional expression but lacking a sense of context-- where, why, or how? put us somewhere


© 2011, Randy Brooks • Millikin University
All rights returned to authors upon publication.